If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
