Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
