We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
