He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
