i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
