thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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