We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
