How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
