pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
