Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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