hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she peed on how many people?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
