i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
