I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
