Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
even my farts smell like vagina
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
