He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
