You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
