i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
