Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
