i barfeds in our rink
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
