Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
