I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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