I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
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We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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