And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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