none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
