the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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