Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
