Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
