I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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