shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
