I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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