It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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