Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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