if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
