I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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