yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
