girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
