I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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