Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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