I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You were trust falling into bushes
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
