I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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