I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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