he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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