there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
