whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
