I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Randomize