perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
