dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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