Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
