The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He had one of those small greek statue penises
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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