I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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