It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
