So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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