Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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