I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
