haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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