He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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