You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
