Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
