Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
