I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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